Not All Days Are Good Days, Not All Runs Are Good Runs

I sure am glad I brought all of those running clothes with me on our road trip.

I had plenty of things to choose from the ONE day that I ran.

Yes I said ONE day, yes I'm still #trainingforboston (in theory).

I also forgot to pack my Garmin.  It sat here at home.  Apparently I didn't even need it!

I can't tell you how exhausting driving hundreds of miles is!

The driving days, there was no fuel left in me, to go late at night, or attempt getting up even earlier to run in the morning.  Plus I was the only parent, so getting us all up and ready to go is no small task.

The days we were finally with friends or family (when I thought I'd be able to run) I was recovering, and really who has time to run when you only have a few days together?

I did find ONE day to run and it did feel good to my legs that felt permanently stuck in a 45 degree angle.

PLUS, that is one of 'our' things, me and Molly.  We like to work it out!

I ran and she cycled on a great path.  The weather was beautiful and I ran in TX!!  I called that out a few times.  I was thrilled to be there with my girl, like old times.

I ran well, my legs were fresh, after all, from my non-running!

I ran for almost an hour and ran around 8 miles.

I only felt the wave of anxiety, for not running, a few times.

I chose to embrace my time away, go with it, just enjoy the vacation.

Well, now I'm back.

Boston is in 19 days.  19 DAYS.

The wave of anxiety has returned!

I ran 5 miles Tuesday, to wake my legs up again.

Yesterday I wanted to get my last 20 miler in before I taper.

In my dreams I thought this would be an ok run because maybe my body thought I was tapering the week I took off, and drank gross amounts of Diet Soda, and ChickFil A, and candy and sunflower seeds and all of the other things I munched on while driving hundreds of miles.

Maybe this run would be a good one.

I needed to have a good run yesterday.

It wasn't good.

I'm not feeling the confidence I'd like to feel prior to running a marathon.

There have been tears, many tears!

I really wanted to run 22 miles, just so you know.  I didn't though.  I barely made 20!

In actuality I called it, shut it down, at 19.5.

Yesterday was one of my worst long runs.  I could not get in a good space mentally!

I fiddled with my shirt and running belt the whole run... annoying.

It was warm, yea, but I ran out of fluid... and I felt hungry!!!

I argued back and forth with myself for a couple hours.

See, I'm running, I am just fine.

No, I can't do this, how could I go 10. more. miles.?????

If you could see the mess that was inside my head, you'd agree that it wasn't pretty!

In fact, a lot of this run I felt defeated and decided I sort of don't want to run this marathon!

To top it off, after I finished, my right foot, which I forgot was bothering me, because it wasn't when I wasn't running, started hurting again.

And I have a new knee issue on the left side.

Awesome!

Needless to say there were tears, many tears yesterday.

I felt anxious, slow, defeated, my body hurt, my head hurt, my confidence in the toilet.

Nope, they are not all good days, they are not all good runs.

My foot wasn't bothering me after my Tuesday run.

I went 17 yesterday then stopped at home for more fluid.  It was all I could do to get my butt back out the door for the last 3.  It really hurt to start again.  That is when my foot felt the worst.

This time doesn't reflect the few minutes I stopped in the park to try to give myself a mental time out!

Or the other times I stopped to stretch my calves that were cramping!

It really was a run for the books!

Today is a new day.

I will run this marathon!

It surely won't be my best, I hope it's not my worst...

I'm going to go ahead and review a good week I had earlier this month.

Here is my week of the 7-12.  I missed a day with my boy home sick.  Again, a 4 day week.

Not shown is my trml hill workout done the day before my long run. 7 miles of hills.

Despite that, I had a pretty strong long run.

This one was uncomfortable because of GI issues, but my mental state was so much better!

I did finish 20.  I did the last one on the trml (the kids had an early day and I didn't get it all in).

I wanted to go 22 before this race, it helps the last miles feel a bit more doable for me.

I wanted to feel stronger, more prepared.

I want to enjoy this experience, this race, and that is hard to do if I am not prepared for the distance.

I will try to run strong these next couple of weeks.  I hope my knee and foot will cooperate.