In The Mean Time...

Yesterday I reviewed what the first day of school, and the week, was like for my kids.

I didn't even go there with what my day was like.

I did write this...

I sent them off and waited to feel some sort of relief... you know, the sigh... I have a quiet house again, I can clean and it will stay, I only have to make myself lunch, I can get some work done...  Hooray!

I didn't feel it!  This year I seemed to be a bit paralyzed by the quiet.

I am in my own realm of 'new' and need to find my rhythm again.  

I felt lonely, a little sad and anxious about this first day.

After wandering aimlessly for a bit I went out for a run.

I answered the text from Matt that asked how the morning went.

I sat on the steps feeling a little empty without my kids!

I felt strange.  I've not had time by myself in this house.

I know there are a bunch of things I could be doing, should be doing.

I have a list of projects, loads of photos to edit, laundry to fold, scriptures to read, a blog that has been without words for the whole summer!  My day was not without things to do.

I left them all where they were, got ready and headed to the hospital to visit Grandma Florence.  

You can read a bit about how she came into my life {HERE}. 

She blacked out on Sunday and ended up in the hospital.  Tuesday was the first day I could go spend time with her.

I know this woman now, she is a dear friend.  I knew she would be beside herself alone in that hospital so I went and spend a few hours with her.

As I was heading to the car I grabbed an old CD that I haven't listened to for a long time.

It's called Women of Destiny.  This song began to play and for the next 4:31 minutes my vision was blurry! 

In The Mean Time by: Tyler Castleton, Performed by: Jenny Jordan Frogley

I was like... why am I crying?

Do you ask yourself that when your eyes start randomly leaking!

Then I just let it come!  

Whatever the reason I had some tears that needed to flow.

It was an emotional day for me!

When the kids go back to school it is time to self check!

What am I doing with my time?  What am I doing with my life?  

Remember that word {PURPOSE} from the beginning of the year?

I have been 'adjusting' the whole summer.  Fall is here, it's time to set a course again.

As I listened to this song I also felt the truth of this pull within me to do something, to be known, to be great.  My heart burned inside, as I listened with it... that indeed I am and do and will be great... all of these things that I am doing in the meantime are making me that.

After my visit with Florence, I listened to it again.

I cried again!

This woman has waited for me to find her!  And I am here with her at a time that she needs me.

We cried together, I listened to her.  I gave her my strength and my heart.

Much like my kids she needed some love and encouragement and someone to reassure her.

The line in this song that says, "In the meantime she's a mentor and a blessing and a gift, to every empty aching heart that only she can lift..." pierced me last week.

There are many things that I could spend my time doing.  There are many things that interest me.  I have talents and desires for many things... too many!

This line was where I focused last week.

Many little people hearts needed my lift last week.

My heart needed a lift last week.

I got it.

I am right where I need to be, not making a difference in hundreds of lives, but making all the difference to some.  

This was a good way to hit my reset button for this new school year.

I will get back to my lists, work, projects and laundry.  Those things never end!  I will find my balance again.  I should find 'normal' soon!

We often miss what is happening to us while we are focusing on all the things we do.

While we are busy doing we are becoming.

I will become all that I hope for as I make the best efforts to focus my 'doing'.

AND I feel assured that all of this will continue creating the woman I want to be.