The calming effect
We went on our hospital tour last night.
We pre-registered and such.
I asked questions and am not sure they were answered.
I am trying to get a sense of what is 'standard' here and where I have choices.
It doesn't calm me when I don't feel like I'm answered straight.
Every answer came with 'well it depends'. Which, I understand... sort of.
But, if everything goes normal, what do you do then?
Do I have the power to choose or do you call the shots?
I feel like I've had both extremes.
In UT I didn't feel like the power was mine. I felt like I was told what to do, and it being my first time... I just obeyed. And, it all turned out fine, I had my beautiful daughter, blah blah, but the experience of 'having her', which I only get to do one time, wasn't all that I'd hoped it would be.
In VA I felt like the power was all mine and there was nothing but support and confidence in my choices. My experience of having G was simply wonderful.
I wonder how it will be here.
I'll birth natural either way... unless something goes wrong... but it's all of the stuff that comes with that that gives me anxiety. Fetal monitoring, IV hook ups, freedom to move, all of which I tried to get answers to, none of which I'm really sure! I'm not nervous or afraid, but being unsure makes me anxious.
ANYWAY, last night Matt and I were in bed talking about birth, my unanswered questions and my anxiety about leaving my baby alone. (I'm not into leaving them in the nursery. Call me crazy, but it gives me anxiety! It may be the 'mother instinct' it may be OCD, either way, the thought of my brand new baby being alone, away from me for 3 HOURS, makes me anxious.)
As he held me and talked to me, my sweet husband calmed my anxiety. It was like magic. His reassuring words and confidence in our abilities lifted my nerves and I fell right to sleep. This morning, after having slept so soundly, which I haven't done in the past week (sick, full bladder, general prego discomfort), I was really touched. I sure love this man. He is all that I need. He really is my perfect match. He has the ability to reach me when no one else can. He calms me. He helps me see clearly. He is full of love and devotion. I love him more than anything and I am so glad I am his.
We pre-registered and such.
I asked questions and am not sure they were answered.
I am trying to get a sense of what is 'standard' here and where I have choices.
It doesn't calm me when I don't feel like I'm answered straight.
Every answer came with 'well it depends'. Which, I understand... sort of.
But, if everything goes normal, what do you do then?
Do I have the power to choose or do you call the shots?
I feel like I've had both extremes.
In UT I didn't feel like the power was mine. I felt like I was told what to do, and it being my first time... I just obeyed. And, it all turned out fine, I had my beautiful daughter, blah blah, but the experience of 'having her', which I only get to do one time, wasn't all that I'd hoped it would be.
In VA I felt like the power was all mine and there was nothing but support and confidence in my choices. My experience of having G was simply wonderful.
I wonder how it will be here.
I'll birth natural either way... unless something goes wrong... but it's all of the stuff that comes with that that gives me anxiety. Fetal monitoring, IV hook ups, freedom to move, all of which I tried to get answers to, none of which I'm really sure! I'm not nervous or afraid, but being unsure makes me anxious.
ANYWAY, last night Matt and I were in bed talking about birth, my unanswered questions and my anxiety about leaving my baby alone. (I'm not into leaving them in the nursery. Call me crazy, but it gives me anxiety! It may be the 'mother instinct' it may be OCD, either way, the thought of my brand new baby being alone, away from me for 3 HOURS, makes me anxious.)
As he held me and talked to me, my sweet husband calmed my anxiety. It was like magic. His reassuring words and confidence in our abilities lifted my nerves and I fell right to sleep. This morning, after having slept so soundly, which I haven't done in the past week (sick, full bladder, general prego discomfort), I was really touched. I sure love this man. He is all that I need. He really is my perfect match. He has the ability to reach me when no one else can. He calms me. He helps me see clearly. He is full of love and devotion. I love him more than anything and I am so glad I am his.
